


Ti vorrei sollevare

by WickedSwan



Series: Look what I found [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Connington is still a lil shit, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Insecure!Brienne, Pining, but they don't kNow they're pining, clueless!Jaime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 09:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20703698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedSwan/pseuds/WickedSwan
Summary: “When did you steal my sweater, K? If I remember correctly being a thief is not something you would approve of,” he had commented, just to embarrass her a little bit. He would never get tired of her blush.“I didn’t steal it. You forgot it here sometime ago and I never had the chance to give it back,” she had tried to justify, “If you want it back now I’ll just wear one of mine.”“Nah, keep it,” he had said then, “It looks better on you anyway. Blue’s definitely your color."And he hadn’t been joking about it.Or, the one where fifteen year old Brienne is hurt and lost inside her own mind and seventeen year old Jaime is there to save the day with his wit.





	Ti vorrei sollevare

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
As promised, I'm back with a new installment for this magnum opus of mine!  
Obviously I'm kidding.  
I don't even know if I like what I've written. I've re-read it so many times that I've lost my focus.  
So, I'll just leave it here, hoping that you'll give me all the constructive criticism that I need to get better.
> 
> I just want to say a few things about this and then I'll leave you to the story.
> 
> Firstly, I had absolutely no intention of portraying any eating disorder in this chapter. What Brienne's going through is something that's happened to me when I got through puberty. I changed, my body changed and people noticed. I was still very young and my first reaction was to hide everything that made me stand out among my friends. I dressed in a certain way, I lost my appetite and I felt very awkward in my own body for a very long time. So, I thought of using my experience to give Brienne's character a more real trait. I don't know if I managed to do it right.
> 
> Secondly, I had an idea about this moment in their life. A less cliche idea that could give a different twist to this story. But I wasn't able to make it work. So now you get the same old trope of emotional repressed best friends that can't see what's in front of them and make you want to throw your phone out of the window. I'm sorry they just wanted to be written in that way.
> 
> Title stolen from Ti vorrei sollevare by Elisa and Giuliano Sangiorgi
> 
> Okay, I'm finished now.  
I hope you'll enjoy it!!
> 
> EDIT: Someone made me notice my mistakes in the punctuation (especially in the dialogues). I followed the punctuation rules we have in my country - I'm not a native speaker - and I didn't even think about it. But now that I know, I've tried to correct my mistakes...let's hope I'll remember it in the future (:

**September 16th 2003 -** **Somewhere in the woods around King’s Landing, ****_Again._**

It was a series of unfortunate events that led Jaime Lannister to be Brienne Tarth’s _ real _ first kiss.

Not that the final outcome of that memorable day could ever be considered as something unfortunate _ per se _ , but Jaime would have gladly endured going on with his life without knowing how Brienne’s lips tasted, if it meant not having to witness her confidence and self-esteem being crushed and burned by a bunch of stupid _ fuckers _.

Still being part of the category, Jaime knew very well that teenagers could be brutal assholes, but he would have never predicted _ how much _.

There were rules.   
Important rules.  
Rules _no one_ should ever break, even though they only possessed a barely functional brain and were blinded by too many growth hormones and the impossibility of blowing off steam because of an evident lack of sex appeal.

And one of those rules was to never _ intentionally _ hurt a good person.   
What kind of asshole would one have to be to feel proud at making a caring, selfless, rightful person like Brienne cry? To laugh at her tears? To joke about her appearance and character with no shame whatsoever?

  
Obviously, the kind of asshole that would get _ at least _ a broken nose and a destroyed reputation out of it. Jaime would see to it.  
But first, he had to find Brienne and make sure she would be okay.

In all fairness, the day had started well enough.  
It was the last sunday before going back to school - his _last_ _year of school,_ as Jaime’s father loved to remind him - and everything had been ready for the annual King’s Landing Founder’s Day Fair.

Like any other year the Founding Families would use this event to show their superiority over the _simple_ _people_ in town and take out their competitiveness through seemingly positive outlets like charity races and large _useless _donations to the community.

For Jaime, it’d be just another day of trying to go unnoticed and miserably failing at it.

Because, apparently, everyone wanted a piece of _Tywin's golden boy._  
Problem was, he had no intention of giving away any other piece of himself.  
At least,_ not anytime soon_.  
  
But, he had decided, even if the day became another never ending game of hide and seek, at least he would spend it with his best friend.  
_If _he succeeded at getting her out from her house, a task that had become more and more difficult in the last months.

Until the week before, he hadn’t known _ when _ exactly it had begun. 

Maybe sometime at the end of the school-year, when everyone had started going to the river in the afternoon, to play football and doze on the grass under the early summer sun while _ she _ had decided to remain home, reading a book in her room or watching a tv series from the nineties.  
Everyday had been the same, since then.

She, who had always been the most adventurous of them all.  
She, who as a child had explored every inch of the forest, who had swam in every part of the river and already mapped every meter of the caves surrounding King's Landing many years before.  
The girl who had always been the first to initiate every kind of sport, becoming - _at only fifteen _\- one of the best beach-volley player in their whole high school, had suddenly stopped taking part in any activity that would entertain staying outdoor for more than five minutes.

And while everyone else had spent their holidays out and about, tanned and nearly naked for the torrid weather, she had been living in her room, still completely pale and always wearing a sweater and long large sweatpants.

No more the confident laughing Kelpie he had known, but a quiet, silent shadow of herself.

Jaime had been trying to understand what was happening for a while but every time he had questioned her behaviour, she had always been able to change the topic, asking to check out the - secret for anyone else - latest short story he had been writing or challenging him on a video-game.  
It was clear that she _didn’t want_ to talk about it and he had tried to respect that.

However, this hadn’t stopped him from investigating, at least a bit.

Initially he had gone to Tyrion - by far the smartest Lannister sibling - but his only answer had been a sad look, accompanied by a sybilline answer that sounded a lot like "_ It’s something you can’t understand, Jaime _ ". And that had only confused him more.  
Was Tyrion calling him stupid?  
Or was it something _ no man _ could understand?

Maybe she was having _ girl problems _ and he had been too self-absorbed and distant, to figure it out. At that point he could have gone to Sansa Stark - Brienne’s _ new best friend _ \- but, between her Winterfell holiday and the job at her father’s business, the girl had been gone all summer. 

_ What a wonderfully useful new best friend, Kelpie. Nice choice. _

Therefore, In the end, he had found himself in front of the door of the only other permanent female presence in his life - after the latest Mel fiasco.   
His _sister’s._

Not that she could have any real explanation about Brienne’s new attitude but, as their High School’s gossip indisputed Queen, she surely could give him some info he could have missed.  
And _ that, _ she had done so splendidly that Jaime had exited his sister’s room with maybe a _ little more _ knowledge that he would have wanted.

Brienne had a crush. Brienne had had a crush for at least the last months and he hadn’t known anything about it.   
His sister had been thrilled to tell him all about it and all about the subject of this crush: Bobby’s little brother _Renly_.  
_And you have to be thankful that I’m going out with Robert these days,_ she had said, _or you wouldn’t be able to get all this information from me. You owe me one brother, you know how it works_.

Whatever. 

Jaime vaguely remembered the boy from his performance in the last school’s play: a tall sixteen year old Baratheon, with brown hair, blue eyes, a kind smile and one Loras Tyrell always by his side. 

At the time he hadn’t seemed someone who could catch the eye of his Kelpie - he had always thought she would fall for someone a little less _ bubbly _ and a bit more _ snarky _ \- but lately Jaime was starting to second-guess his understanding of her.

According to his sister, Renly had been the only one to ask Brienne a dance at the “10th year’s Prom”, a party organized by their High school together with all the other King’s Landing institutes and where Jaime hadn’t been able to accompany his friend because of their age gap. 

Apparently, they had danced together, she in her ill-fitting dress and lack of makeup, and he in his impeccable suit and perfect curls, both smiling in spite of the whispers and mocking looks thrown their - _ her _ \- way.

Then, someone had said something and everything had gone to hell.

But on what had happened next, his sister didn't have the same deep knowledge. Renly had made sure his brothers wouldn’t get to know the details and the only sure thing was that Brienne had left the party early, getting inside her father’s car with tears in her eyes.

Jaime had been _ dumbfounded. _

  
How could he not know anything about this?  
How could have he been so blind?  
Why hadn’t he understood right away that something was amiss?

When, the day after the _ ball _ , he had asked a review of the night, Brienne had simply said that it had been too boring without him or Sansa and that she had left early because of it.   
And then she had asked some updates about his disastrous love life and everything else had been forgotten for the day.

But now, knowing this, everything made sense. 

  
Brienne had been hurt that night, probably mortified by _ stupid Renly _ , and she had been sad and heartbroken since then, hiding herself in her room to avoid meeting the boy or having to face him after being rejected.  
And Jaime had been completely oblivious to all this, taken as he had been by his latest break-up with Mel and his father’s insistence on him being present at as many meeting he could.

So, that sunday morning, one week after the revelation, he had decided he would finally force Brienne out of her shell, bringing her with him to the Fair and showing his support and friendship. Demonstrating that life could go on even after a heartbreak.

Maybe, if he played his cards right, he would be able to _ make her talk _ by the end of the day.  
He missed his friend and he would do whatever he could to get her back.

Like climbing the wall of the guest house to get to her window - as he had done so many times before, while Selwyn feigned ignorance and Brienne feigned annoyance - to wake her up with her favourite muffin and a detailed plan for the day.

Entering her open window, he had found her still asleep, tousled pale hair spread across the pillow and long freckled legs tangled in the sheet. He would have immediately woken her up but something had compelled him to study her sleeping form first.

Seeing her in a tank top and shorts after so many months of sweaters and long pants had been a shock. Mostly because Jaime had been completely oblivious to how much weight she had lost until that moment.  
Brienne had always been a very tall girl, with powerful limbs and a six pack that any athlete would be jealous of and her natural attitude for every existing sport combined with her undeniable love for food, had made sure that her ever-changing teenage body would become stronger and more solid month after month.

But when Jaime had entered her room that morning, he had found a completely different Brienne in front of his eyes: her long legs, though still tonic, had become lean and angular, her ribs were starting to be noticeable under the white material of her top and her collarbones appeared a little too evident for Jaime’s taste. And all this had been accentuated by her sickly pallid skin.

It looked as if her last growth spurt - she was now _ definitely _ taller than him - hadn’t been supported by the right amount of food or exercise, leaving her too thin and pale to even remotely resemble the Brienne he had always known.

She looked too_ weak_, too _fragile _and Jaime couldn’t bear the thought that he _could_ have done something to prevent it if he had just _listened_.   
If he had just given a little bit more instead of only taking, taking, _taking_. 

“Jaime?” she had whispered then, startling him. She had finally woken up.

“Hei K,” he had said, sitting on the edge of her bed. “Ready for today’s adventure?”  
She had breathed a laugh, surprised by his use of their old motto, and had finally opened her big, sleepy eyes.

“It’s been so long since you said that,” she had commented, “do I have to be worried?” 

“It depends. But first, do you want this?” he had asked, flashing the bag with their muffins in front of her face, tempting her with the wonderful smell.

She had tried to snatch the envelope from his hand, obviously hungry, but he had shaken his head, pulling away.

“You know how it works K. First you accept the adventure and then I give you breakfast and details. It's the rule.” 

They had played this game for years, since that one morning many years before, when she had gone to find him with a chocolate-chip cookie and the proposal of swimming to the island in the middle of the river and e_xplore _ .   
It had been some weeks after the cave and he had needed the push.

It was their way of challenging the other and Jaime had hoped it would work this time too.

“Come on jerk, you’ve woken me up, I think you owe me that muffin!” she had exclaimed, scowling at him while still trying to catch the bag with her hands.  
That wouldn’t do.

In one swift movement he had climbed on the bed, blocking her too thin wrists with one hand and keeping the envelope high, over their heads.

“Jaime, get off! How old are you? Five?” she had protested, trying in vain to get free from his weight.  
_You’re not strong enough right now, Brienne. but you’ll be soon. I promise you._

“I may be five, but I’m still older than you, K. So, accept the adventure or suffer my wrath!”

“Never!” she had answered, still convinced she would win.

“Accept!” he had exclaimed, leaving the envelope on the right side of the bed - _ his side _ \- and proceeding with his torture of choice: tickling the girl until she’d surrender. 

Brienne was the most ticklish person he had ever met and being the reason of her loud laugh would always make him proud.  
He had tried it once with Mel but she had immediately stopped him, whining about her hair and the fact that they were too old to play this game. That they could spend their time in bed doing _something else-_

“I yield, I yield Jaime! Stop it please!” 

His thoughts about Mel had been interrupted by Brienne’s pleads and he had focused again on the breathless girl under him, her evident need for food and his own hunger, that was getting harder and harder to ignore.

“Fuck yes, I’m a god,” he had celebrated, keeping her hands over her head and giving her his winning smile. “Do you accept my adventure now?”

“I do, Jaime. I do. Just give me my muffin,” she had answered, waiting for him to liberate her hands and not wasting one moment of freedom before grabbing the bag and shoving a big piece of food in her mouth.  
_Yes, he would have to bring her delicacies for a while._

Only when her empty stomach had began to fill she had seemed to become aware of her attire and, flushing red, she had hidden under the sheets in a matter of seconds.  
For the first time since the night they had met she had been ashamed of herself in front of him and Jaime had hated every minute of it.

They had eaten in silence, on her bed, catching their breath and tasting their well deserved muffins.  
He, lost in his thoughts about how long Brienne had probably gone without eating a sweet and how long he had gone without seeing her real smile and she, probably still grumpy after this unexpected wake up call.

"-You thinking 'bout Mel?" had asked Brienne with her mouth full, confusing him with the question.

"Why you askin'?"

"Well, that was your _ Mel face _ that you were making just now," she had tried to explain, in vain.

"My _ Mel face_?" _ What_? 

"Your _ lovestruck Mel face _, dumbass. The one you get every time you guys are going to get back together," she said, sure of her understanding of him. 

Jaime hadn't been thinking about Mel _ at all _ but he hadn't had the heart to tell her how wrong she had been in her assessment.   
Better let her believe she knew everything about him.

"I guess," he had offered vaguely.

She had finished her muffin before speaking up again.

"So, are you?"

"Am I what?" This topic was making him anxious and he didn't even understand why.

"Getting back together," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"Don't know. She’s been back in town since thursday. We agreed on talking on the phone tonight after dinner and see where it goes from there. I think we could give it another try maybe," he had answered, still unsure about getting back with Mel.

He knew he cared deeply about her - she had been his first and everything - but sometimes he felt like something was missing between them, though he didn't know _ what _.

"Sounds good. You make a nice couple, you know? Just do what you feel is right and it will be okay," had declared Brienne, without asking any further detail about it.

This is why he loved her.  
Because she would always be in his corner, no matter what and he would do the same for her.

“So,” she had said, after a minute of silence, “are you going to tell me what you have in mind for today or can I go back to sleep?”

“You know what day is today K. You don’t get to abandon me," he had answered, lying on the bed with one hand under his head and the other under her pillow.

She had looked at him for a moment, probably counting the days, before letting out a groan and lying next to him.

“Oh gods, it’s already september. Are you talking about the Fair, Jaime? Why do we have to go? Can’t we do something else? I’ve just found this-”

“No, we can’t. I have to be there, so _ you _ have to be there,” he had interrupted, turning towards her and waiting for her to do the same.

They were facing each other on her bed and, for a moment, Jaime thought that he would actually prefer to remain there then to go visit the overrated Fair.  
But no. Brienne needed to get out and breathe some fresh air.

And he needed some answers.

“_ Do I_, really? Since when it’s you who decide where I have to be?” she had wondered out loud with the gleam in her eyes that he had been missing.

“I said what I said, K. And _ you _ accepted the adventure. So get up, take a bath or whatever you _ women _ do in the morning and get ready to spend the day with your best friend who _ needs you very much,_” he had said, before kicking her gently out of her bed and occupying it like a starfish to block any possible space.

She had blushed again, calling him a baby - _ what we women do, Jaime, really? _ \- while roaming her closet to find what he expected to be another pair of sweater and baggy pants, to cover up as soon as possible.  
Jaime had hated it. Seeing her so evidently ashamed of her body. And he had mentally kicked himself again for not having seen it sooner.

“Do you think there’ll be a lot of people?” she had asked, still turned towards the closet.

Was it fear that he had heard in her voice?  
Could she be still so scared of meeting _stupid Renly_?

“Well, it’s not as if this is the_ most important _ recurrence of the town,” he had joked, “surely there won't be those many people. Only a few hundreds, maybe. A thousand? But it could rain, who knows."  
He just wanted the tension of her shoulders to disappear.

“Yeah, maybe…” she had answered, defeated. 

“At least we’re not in danger of meeting Prince Rhaegar today and I believe _ this _ is already a victory,” he had added, sincerely happy that he wouldn’t have to deal with his archenemy.

“What do you mean?” she had asked, suddenly curious.  
_Weird. Why would she be interested in Rhaegar's whereabouts?_

“The track team is somewhere in the Riverlands for a national competition or whatever. I mean, it was your team until a few months ago, shouldn’t you know this?” he had asked, puzzled.   
So, not only she had stopped taking part in sports but she didn’t really care anymore at all.

“Yeah sorry, I knew about it. I just forgot it was this week,” she had answered, with a weird expression on her face “are you sure they haven’t come back yet?” 

“Pretty sure. I heard Conninton’s father telling Bobby that the bus would be back tonight. They _ obviously _ didn’t win anything. Ellaria is the only one who got to the finals but even _ she _ couldn't beat the Iron Landers. You’re the only one who could have a chance at something, If you just got back on the te-”

“No,” she had interrupted him, with a serious expression. “I’m not getting back on the team. _ Not ever._”

Jaime hadn’t expected a so forceful interruption but he really couldn’t blame her.   
He would never be on the same team as Rhaegar Targaryen either.

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re too good for them,” he had confirmed, smiling.

She had watched him for a moment, before saying that she’d be ready in half an hour and that at the end of the day he would regret having invited her to the Fair.

“I’ll beat you in every possible game, Jaime. Just be aware of this,” she had added, before vanishing in her bathroom with a smile that tasted of relief.

Relief for what, he would discover only later.

He had been slowly reading one of her comics for at least twenty minutes when she’d come back, announcing that she was ready.  
She was dressed in what he had immediately recognized as _his_ light blue sweater - _and how had she stolen it?_ \- and large jeans.   
Her fluffy hair was still wet after a short shower.

She had come in the room with an hesitant smile on her face and he had felt that, yes, they would get through this.

“When did you steal my sweater, K? If I remember correctly being a_ thief _ is not something you would approve of,” he had commented, just to embarrass her a little bit. He would never get tired of her blush.

As expected, she had become crimson all over.

“I didn’t _ steal _it. You forgot it here sometime ago and I never had the chance to give it back,” she had tried to justify “If you want it back now I’ll just wear one of mine.”

“Nah, keep it” he had said then. “It looks better on you anyway. Blue’s definitely _ your _ color, not mine.”

And he hadn’t been kidding about it.  
Not only she looked good in his sweater but, in some weird way, he had felt as if it could protect her from the sadness. As if wearing something of his could somehow be enough to keep her safe.

He had shaken himself from these odd thoughts just in time to see a new hopeful smile on her face.

“What’re you thinking about, K?” he had asked, happy to see her smile.

“Nothing. Just thinking about the thousand of people that'll be there. We could hide forever among them, if we wanted to. No one could find us."

It seemed like a childish dream, the one of playing hide and seek for an entire day.  
But her tone, her expression and the fact that they’d known each other for a long time now, had made him immediately understand the meaning behind those words.

"Yeah. Vanishing in front of all those people. Sometimes I dream of leaving this place without telling anyone and going somewhere where no one knows who I am," he had answered, with an hesitant smile of his own.

They talked about this sometimes.  
About leaving the town and looking for _real_ adventures in the _real _world.

"You could, Jaime. After this last year of school you could just...leave. Go anywhere you'd like to go," she had suggested, suddenly serious, "b_e _ anyone you'd like to be"

Every time they talked about it, she always said the same thing.  
_You could.__  
_And everytime he gave the same answer.

"I could, yes," he had admitted, chuckling, "but then what would my Kelpie do without me?" 

As always, she hadn't fallen for the joke. She had just looked at him sadly, understanding.

He _ could _ leave. But he wouldn't.

Too many expectations, too many responsibilities and not enough courage to abandon the established path and just...go.

No, he would follow his father' steps, becoming the next _ Lion _ to keep the family’s legacy alive. That's what had to be and that's what _ would _ be.

"Fine. If you can’t go without me, you'll just have to wait a couple of years, then," she had answered, with a white lie and a kind smile. 

He hoped that she at least would be able to do what he couldn't and live the life she wanted. He would make sure of it.  
At least Brienne would be free. And probably his little brother too.  
That would be enough.

"So, shall we _ my Lady_?" he had proposed with a silly bow, to lighten the mood after too many seconds of silence and staring. _ She was really growing up, wasn’t she? _

She had taken his arm then, accepting that he wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

"We shall, _ good Ser."_

_ Yes, it really could have been a good day. _

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Uh, look who’s there. Brienne the Beauty. Where have you been in the last month Big B? Writing poems on your little diary? How’s it going with your _ pretty sweetheart_?” 

Jaime really couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  
Was that _Connington_? What the hell was he doing here?  
And who the fuck did he think he was to speak to her _like that?_

He and Brienne had been at the Fair all day, trying every game - for free, since he was _ Tywin’s boy - _ and Brienne had obviously beaten him at almost every single one of them.   
But he couldn’t care less about his bruised ego, because seeing her laughing and having fun, while the sun made her freckles stand out and her eyes shine even brighter than usual was the best reward he could hope for.

They had even shared most of the snacks that one could find at the Fair since they could spend on those all the money they had saved because of his surname.   
At times like this he didn’t mind being a Lannister all that much.

Their day had been wonderful and he had been so happy to see Brienne opening up to him and finally _ having fun, _that hearing those words come out from that bastard’s mouth had been devastating. 

He had just gone to the bathroom, leaving her alone for less than five minutes, but they had been enough to let that fucker ruin their day. _ Her _ day.

And, the worst thing of all, Brienne was not fighting back.

She was frozen on the spot, melted ice-cream in hand and a defeated expression on her face.  
The tallest among them, at that moment she seemed the smallest, with her hunched shoulders, her big hands somehow hidden by the sweater and her usually sparkling eyes completely spent.  
She didn’t even seem able to raise her gaze from the ground.

_ What the fuck was happening? _

“I suggest you shut your mouth, Connington or I’m gonna make sure you won’t be able to walk, let alone _ run_, for a while,” he said, making himself seen, “not that it would be that great of a loss since you _ obviously _suck at it” 

Brienne’s eyes finally focused on him and he could clearly see that they were full of tears.   
He had never felt as compelled to hit someone as in that moment, he just wanted to break Connington’s.._everything_.  
Bt it was that he was missing something.  
_What was Connington talking about? And why wasn’t Brienne reacting?_

“Well, if it isn’t the mighty Jaime Lannister to the rescue,” answered Connington, apparently unimpressed by his threat. “Are you sure you want to be seen with_ that?_ I thought you were smarter than this. Especially now we-”

“_That_?” he repeated, trying to figure out Connington’s meaning.  
Was he really using this tone to talk about Brienne? But..w_hy_?

Brienne’s breath was becoming more and more erratic and Jaime couldn’t decide if he was more furious or disbelieving at what he was hearing.  
It seemed that somehow he knew about Brienne’s crush on stupid Renly but what about everything else?

“Are you out of your fucking mind? What the fuck are you talking about?” he said, getting dangerously close to Connington.

“Hey, don’t take it out on me! I’m just trying to warn you ‘cause you seem her favourite kind of pretty boy. But, if you’re into _ Big and Ugly _ it’s really not my business man," he declared raising his hands, “just be careful when you kiss her... _ she bites _”

Obviously, Brienne heard. And Jaime saw _ red_.  
He still had so many questions and this last statement had raised even more of them but first there was a nose to break.

In a second, his fist collided with Connington’s face with so much strength that the boy fell to the ground.  
He heard Brienne’s horrified voice calling him and begging him to stop but he needed to see some more blood before he could be able to listen to her.

They rolled on the ground, fighting for dominance, but just when he had been able to block the fucker and was about to hit his stupid face with another good punch, someone picked him up and held him back, trapping his arms.

“Let me go, you don’t know what he said, I need to smash his face!” had protested Jaime, trying to convince the person to let him go.

“Yes Lannister, I know _ exactly _what he said but I don’t think you want to go to the hospital, do you?” said a raspy voice directly to his ear.

“The hospital?” he asked, still completely focused on Connington, that was now trying to get up.

“Snap out of it and look around you. There’s five of them and one of you, do you really want to ruin your pretty face because of a woman?”

That’s when he recognised the voice.  
_Sandor Clegane._  
And that’s when he snapped out of his tunnel vision and saw Connington’s friends coming to his aid. Most of the track team was there and Jaime started to understand a little bit more Brienne’s reluctance at re-joining _the crew_.

Jaime had an idea.

“I don’t have to face them alone Clegane. _ You _ could help me,” he proposed, “I know you like to _ let it out _ sometimes and this would even be for a good cause”.

They could really kick the shit out of the whole track team if needed.

“I could. And believe me, I would love to make some of them cry,” he answered with a smirk in his voice, “but today I’m being paid to_ stop _ any stupid prince charming from starting a fight and getting out of it with a broken arm, _ not _ to help them. Especially if their last name is Lannister,” he finished, still not letting go of Jaime.

“Have you lost your pride pretty boy? Scared of the police dog? We’re ready if you’re ready,” mocked Connington, now surrounded by his friends.

“Just shut your trap and be thankful that I’m working today, Connington," said Clegane, letting Jaime go but keeping him at arm's length, “but you know, _ tomorrow’s my day off._”

That was a not so veiled threat and Jaime found himself suddenly very inclined to skip the first day of school and spend it with his new friend.  
On the contrary, Connington and his demented crew seemed at least intelligent enough to not go against one of the Clegane brothers. And decided to stop playing their dangerous game.

All the people that had gathered around them hoping for a fight, most of them with camera in hand, were already leaving full of disappointment for what could have been.

“Now, can anyone of you _ gentlemen _ explain to me what the fuck did you want from my friend?” asked Jaime, taking advantage of the moment.

“If you want to know, your little friend here is a bit of a perv. Ask her about her secret diary, it should be an interesting topic to discuss,” answered Connington, smirking towards Brienne, who was now trembling with the effort to hold back the tears, “and ask her about the night of the Prom, I still laugh thinking about the _ noises _ she made whe-”

“Fuck this, I’m killing you,” he interrupted, starting to sprint towards the group and being immediately stopped by the Hound.

“I don’t care about the hospital or my father or your fucking job Clegane. Help me or move aside,” he roared.

Those people needed to be removed from the Earth _ forever. _ _  
_Any explanation could wait.

“I don’t give a fuck about you neither, Lannister. But I care about Sansa and she cares about your friend,” answered Clegane, grabbing his collar, “and if you haven’t noticed, she’s _ gone _”.

“What do you mean gone, she’s-”

But she wasn’t.  
He looked around, trying to catch sight of her blonde head, but she simply wasn’t there.

_ Where had she gone? _

“Now, get your head out of your ass and go look for her. I’ll be here, taking out the trash,” finished Clegane, letting him go and sending a bored look to Connington and his friends.

They would be in good hands.

“Yeah, go find your _ girl,_” said one of Connington’s friends, whose name Jaime didn’t even know.

Jaime didn’t even look his way and, after a nod to the Hound, went looking for his best friend.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He found her no less than three hours later, after one panicked phone call to Sansa and a long, tiring walk into the woods.  
Actually, if he hadn’t been blinded by rage and a suppressed desire for violence, he would have probably found her a lot sooner.  
But, in his state of confusion, he had needed Tyrion’s help to figure out the only place she could rationally be after that terrible day.

She was lying on the grass, eyes fixed on the stars that were starting to appear in the evening sky and a seemingly relaxed posture.

“Still hoping to find the treasure?” asked Jaime, startling her out from her daydream.

She opened her eyes, revealing the truth behind her calm façade.  
She had cried, probably the entire time that she had been there waiting for his arrival.

  
The damp september air and the habit of playing with her hair to relieve her stress had made her locks frizzier and messier than ever, while wide red spots decorated her still chubby childish cheeks.

  
Jaime found himself thinking about those cheeks and how they were the only part of her that the recent weight loss hadn’t affected. But he knew that it was only a question of time, since she was now starting to grow into the woman she would soon be and her last childish features would shortly disappear. 

Lately, she felt like someone he'd known all his life but at the same time someone he had just met.   
He wondered if this feeling would ever go away.

“Don’t kid yourself Jaime. That was_ you _, not me,” she answered with a trembling smile, as if responding in kind to his jokes was simply part of her nature, even after an afternoon like that.

“To be fair, _ Brienne _, that was stupid Rhaegar,” he said, sitting down next to her, “I was a mere side effect”.

She looked at him for a moment and then went back to watching the stars, while he crossed his legs and watched _ her._  
He waited and stared, cataloguing every little detail of her face and counting every single breath that she took.  
She was still his little Kelpie but somehow she wasn’t. Something was different about her, something that unsettled him him a way he couldn’t understand.  
_ In a way he wouldn’t understand for a long time _.

“They read my diary. They read it and mocked me in front of all the people that were at Prom night," she said after a while, breaking the silent spell they were under, “I was stupid enough to leave it inside my locker during practice. I knew they were looking for a reason to make fun of me but I didn’t think it’d come to _ that."_

Her expression was defeated, ashamed.

“They _ broke into your locker _? But why would they want to mock you? I don-”

“Because I’m _ good _ Jaime, you said it this morning,” she interrupted him, matter-of-factly, “I’m damn good at what I do. I’m fast. I’m strong. I’m better than any of them. And they hate it. They couldn’t bear the fact that I could beat them to the dust in almost anything."

Jaime couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Shouldn’t those fuckers be happy that at least _ someone _among them had the talent to win something?

“But what about Ellaria?” he asked, confused “she’s in the team too and she’s almost as good as you. I mean, at least she’s better than _ them_. Why haven’t they done this to her? Why are they so openly cruel towards-” 

“Really Jaime?” she asked, sitting up “you really don’t know why people act this way towards _ me _ and not towards _ Ellaria Sand_?”  
She was annoyed at him now and Jaime still didn't understand a thing.

_ This is not how he had imagined this conversation. _

“No Brienne. Excuse me but I don’t have a fucking clue why someone could do this to you. Maybe I’m as _ stupid _ as out teachers think. So, if you could enlighten me with your _ supreme knowledge _ on the matter, I would be fucking thankful,” he answered, angered by her attitude. 

“Shit, Jaime you’re not stupid, you know that,” she said, knowing that it was a sore subject for him, “it’s just that..you can’t understand this. You really can’t. You don’t know how-”

“I don’t know _ what_?” he pressured, remembering the exact same words coming from his brother’s mouth. Why couldn't he understand something that seemed so important for his best friend?

She looked at him, taking a deep breath, as if what she was going to say would change her life forever.

“_ I’m ugly_, Jaime,” she said in the end, surprising him with something he could never have predicted. “I’m Big Brienne. _ This- _ this is what makes me different from Ellaria. Different from- any other girl. I’m almost not even a girl I- I’m a joke. They can't wait to tell me this every time they see me. That I'm a big, mannish, _ enormous _ joke. That’s why they treat me like that. Because I’m a freak,” she finished with a trembling voice.

“What the fuck?” he exclaimed, more angered than before “who told you this? Why would you believe such bullsh-”

“Stop it Jaime. I’ve got mirrors in my home. And I don’t need my best friend to lie to me just to make me feel better,” she said with a resigned expression. 

“But I’m not fucking lying Brienne!” he found himself raising his voice, unable to contain anymore the rage he had felt at her words. “I’ve never lied to you once in my life, why would I start now? Yes you’re tall. Yes, you don’t look like most of the girls in our High School, so _ what?_ How does this make you ugly? Since when being a little different makes you _ less of a girl?_” He really couldn’t believe it. They had really broken her.

"I think you're biased Jaime. If we weren't friends you would-"

"I would _ what,_ Brienne? See what _ they _ think they see? See what _ you _ think you see? I don't fucking think so," he answered.

“Well, maybe you have some _ vision impairment _then,” she answered, unable to believe him after months of bullying and self-deprecation, “maybe you should even re-evaluate your mental health because you’re the only one who doesn’t think I’m _ ugly as fuck."_

Her eyes were shining bright with rage and Jaime really couldn't understand how the fuck she could really believe those things about herself.

“Well, first of all I think _ you _ ’re the most biased between the two of us and second, don’t _ ever _ compare me to those envious useless bastards because I’m really _ fucking happy _ not to be one of them,” he said, proudly. 

For a moment he tried to imagine not being friends with Brienne.  
He imagined being one of those poor souls who didn’t know what they were losing, being so _ blind. _  
What if she hadn’t been the one to find him that night in the cave?  
What if they still were just the vain Lannister boy and the annoying daughter of the gardener to one another? 

Would he be blind like the others, then? _  
__He really didn’t want to think about that._

He moved to kneel in front of her, resting one of his hands on her leg and waiting for her eyes to find his.

Once they did, he found the strength to asked the question he had wanted to ask since the beginning of the day. He probably knew the answer now, but he had to make sure. And she needed to know that, despite everything, he still_ saw _ her.

“Is this why you spent all summer at home? Because of what they did?”   
She closed her eyes, hiding the tears that seemed to be unwilling to leave her be these days.

“I...it’s not just them Jaime. It’s _ me. _I never...I’d never thought about these things before, you know?” she started, letting Jaime take her hand, “I’d never thought about my _ appearance_. I’ve always seen my body as an instrument of some kind. It’s strong and fast and it helped me to achieve anything I wanted. That was it. But I never realized how _ different _ I really am from the other girls."

She had used different instead of ugly for _ his _ sake only and Jaime was much aware of it, but, starving as he was for the truth, he decided not to interrupt her. They would work on this another time.

“But then, when they started mocking me I- well, I started _ looking _ at myself. They talked about things that I had never even bothered noticing before and suddenly they were _ all _ I could see looking in the mirror. My braces. My messy hair. My lack of curves. My height. Even my- my big feet. It’s all so _ wrong _ , Jaime and I’m tired of it,” she admitted, looking at the ground, “I miss running, I miss swimming, I miss being able to look in the mirror and _ not see_. And even if I- even if I spend my days doing _ nothing _ my- my thighs are still _ enormous _ and my shoulders don’t become any less wide. I can’t change. _ I can’t._ and I don’t know what to do,” she finished, letting her tears run freely on her face and gripping Jaime’s hand as if it was the only thing keeping her alive.

His heart was breaking with hers and he did the only thing he could, in a moment like this.  
He pushed her head on his chest, embracing her waist with one hand and stroking her hair with the other, to give her the time and space she needed to let it all go.

“Let it out, love...let it out. It will be okay, I swear,” he repeated, neither of them even realizing how he was calling her. 

He just hoped he was doing it right, the comforting part, because no one had done this for him before, not even after his mother’s death, and he didn’t even know where to start.   
He hoped he would be good enough.

After some time her sobbing started to subside and the silence of the night embraced them once again.

That’s when he knew he had to say something. Something she needed to hear and something he needed to say.

He let her raise her head, watching her while she pulled her hair back into a little ponytail, And trying to find the right words to say.

“You’re right,” he started, getting her attention back “I don’t know how it feels. I’ve never found myself in a position where people actively tried to push me down. I’ve never been _ good _ at anything enough to be envied by someone so much." 

She looked as if she didn’t agree with him on this but he silenced her with a movement of the hand. She had to listen now.

“What I know is that you have a gift, Brienne. You _ are _ an athlete. Yes, you are stronger and faster and you have more tactical awareness than anyone I’ve ever met.” She went red at this, but he knew he was just stating the truth. “And people will always try to find ways to tear you down. Because that’s what people do. Or, what stupid people do. They see greatness and they want to twist it and change it into mediocrity just because it’s something they cannot understand. But you can’t let them. I can’t let them. Not when we’re talking about you,” he finished, surprising even himself with the honesty of his words.

He would _ not _ let them. _ Never. _

She looked at him, with wide eyes and a confused expression on her face.   
She still didn’t believe in herself, not even half as much as he believed in her, but he knew that one day she would look in the mirror and see exactly what he saw. 

It was just a moment. Just one fleeting moment. And for that one moment Jaime simply _ wanted _. 

His hands still on her face, her arms gripping his shoulders with all the strength she had, their eyes locked in an unexplainable bubble.   
He found himself looking at Brienne's mouth, her eyes, her mouth again and maybe if he just-

“Shit, you really believe this,” she said, breaking their bubble with her voice and letting him go.

_ What the hell had just happened? _

Jaime took a moment to compose himself and lock the absurd thoughts of the last minute in the recess of his mind before answering.  
They were_ friends_ and friends don't usually think about their friends_ like that_. Especially if they're going to get back with their exes soon. 

“Yes Brienne, I do. I mean, you’ve beaten _ me _ at almost any sport’s game we’ve ever played and _ I’m _ great. This should give you an idea of how much talent you have, shouldn’t it?” he asked, grinning at the little smile on her face.

She laughed then, a little shy laugh that sounded like music to him.

“You’re so _ vain _ Jaime Lannister,” she said, repeating something she had said the first time they had met.

“Yes. And you’re not _ vain enough_, K. I hoped I’d been more of an influence on you in these last few years but I think I’ll have to try harder from now on. You need a little bit more of the typical Lannister pride,” he said, relieved that their banter was still going strong.

“That’s exactly what my father said,” she answered, rolling her eyes.

“Your father is an intelligent man,” he commented, smiling, “and I’m sure he’s also told you to stop criticizing yourself about everything. You’re fifteen, Brienne, and you already are one of the best people I know. Who cares about the braces that you're going to get rid of in a few months? Or if you’re taller than the other girls? You’ll just stand out more. Be proud of it. Though, I’m sure that if you look people in the eyes they won’t even _ realise _ that you’re taller,” he added, weirdly unable to keep something for himself.

“What do you mean?” she asked, confused by his last statement. 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough what I mean," he said, too embarrassed to reveal his long-lasting love for her eyes, “just promise me that you’ll try to think about what I said. And promise me you’ll come with me to the river next week. You owe me a swim."

“How many promises do I have to make today, Jaime? Do you have any other desire?” she asked, deciding not to push on the subject but still willing to give him a hard time.

“Brienne. Promise me,” he repeated, in that same serious tone he had used before.

“Fine. I promise,” she said “but, you’re aware that I’ll get to the island at least fifteen minutes before you, right? Are you ready to lose?” she asked, unconsciously testing him.   
He knew she needed to hear him say it. She needed to know that this - that _she - _was normal.

“I’m ready when you are," he answered, grinning proudly and lying on the ground copying the position he had found her in.

She remained in a sitting position, her long legs stretched in front of her, and suddenly he remembered something else from the afternoon fight. 

“Can I ask you something?” he said, unsure. It was not a topic he was comfortable talking about but somehow he _ needed _ to know.

She looked at him, waiting.

"Connington said something about ehm...you know-" he said, pointing at his mouth, not knowing how to spell out the thing.

She immediately started to blush, understanding what he meant without even hearing the question first.

“I was really hoping you'd forget about it but obviously you_ didn't,_" she groaned while he waited, "all you need to know is that the day after he had the exact same shiner he will have tomorrow. And that he's a very bad kisser,” she answered in one breath. He knew that she was as uncomfortable as he was. 

But somehow his curiosity still wasn’t satisfied.  
  
“Good. I mean, that’s not even half of what he deserves. But can you tell me what happened? Was it at the night of the Prom? Weren’t you with Renly? How the hell did you end up _ kissing Connington_?” 

He didn’t even understand why he was asking all these details. He really didn’t want to know. But then, he _ did. _

“How do you know I was with Renly?” she asked, hoping to change the topic. 

“Cersei’s with Bobby now. It's a long, gross story. I don’t want to talk about it,” he summed up while she made a face, probably the same face he had made finding out about his sister’s new boyfriend. “Stop asking and start telling K, we don’t have all night”.

“Really Jaime? Haven’t I embarrassed myself enough for tonight?” she asked with a sigh, getting down to lie next to him.

“Come on K. You’ve been listening to me moping over my relationship with Mel all summer, I think-”

“All_ year _would be more correct,” she interrupted, annoyed. She was right, he and his technically still ex girlfriend had been on and off all year and Brienne had been the one he had gone to every time he needed to vent. 

“_Fine_, let’s say all year. And that’s why you deserve to rant to someone about your love life too. So. _ Tell. Me,_” he insisted.   
He wouldn’t give up for anything at this point and she knew him well enough to know it.

“It’s not an interesting story, really. That night I went with Renly to that stupid Prom and we were having fun when Connington and the others arrived with my diary in hand. I hadn’t even realised they had taken it yet," she reported, with a strange detachment in her voice, “that’s when they said in front of everyone that I was_ in love _ with Renly, reading some passages from my diary as if it was proof of what they were saying. _ Big Brienne and beautiful Renly, what a lovely couple."_

“_As if_? Wasn’t it? I mean, wasn’t this what ruined your night? And how the hell did Connington get to kiss you?” he asked, unable to keep the question to himself anymore.

“For the gods, Jaime, let me tell! It’s not easy but not for the reasons _ you _ think. My problems with them started many months before that night. But in that moment, when they told everyone that I had a crush on Renly and people started looking at me with pity I realised that I _ really _ wasn’t like the other girls. They were pitying me because in their eyes it would be impossible for me to get together with a handsome guy and-”

“Not again with this, Brienne please,” interrupted Jaime, already on the warpath. But she waved him silent, trying to pacify him with her next words.

“I know, I know. Greatness and all that. I get it _ now._ But it won’t be easy for me to accept it. Be patient. However, that night, after months of mocking, I couldn’t bear it anymore and I decided to confront Connington and the others. Renly didn't want me to go alone so we...followed them to the bathroom," she said, blushing again. Jaime chuckled, thinking about proper Brienne entering the men’s room. “I confronted him. I told him to give me back my diary and stop treating me like scum. And then...I don’t know what happened next, Jaime. He just came up to me and _ kissed me!_” she finished, covering her eyes.

On one side Jaime found this unpredictable twist very funny but on the other, he really was happy to have at least given a bruise to Connington that afternoon. He just hoped he could find an excuse to finish the job the next day.

“-and I obviously tried to stop him right away but he was all over me and I-I've never felt so embarrassed in all my life. His friends were laughing and Renly was _ there _ and I couldn't believe he would get to this point just to mock me and I-”

“And you bit him? And then you punched him? Fuck Brienne I would have loved to be there and see his face. What a fucker. Not knowing how to deal with a _ crush _ and acting like a jerk. What a shame for the male species,” he commented.

“A crush? Jaime, he hates me. That's part of his way of mocking me what are you talking about?” she asked, horrified by the prospect. And rightly so.  
Jaime gazed at her with a knowing look in his eyes. He had finally understood.

“He fucking _ likes _ you Brienne. I just realised it,” he explained, somehow irritated but also excited by the revelation, “he likes you but he is a _ fucking sociopath _ who doesn’t know how to behave normally with people so he ended up ruining your life and trying to kiss you without your consent!” he finished, in front of her even more shocked face.

“What?” she asked, apparently unable to comprehend the fact that someone could like her, "but it's not possible. He did it to-"

"He did it because he couldn't stop himself. And then when you rightly refused him he and his friends twisted it into something else. Believe me, I'm a guy. I know how our little brains work. And as I said, he's a psychopath so he's even worse than a normal sixteen year old and his dick-"

"Jaime!" she stopped him, embarrassed by his harshness, "maybe if we were talking about Ellaria I could believe you but it's impossible, I'm..._ me."_

"Yes. You're you and he's a dick. Come on Brienne, stop thinking what you’re thinking. There’s nothing not to _ like _ in you. I'm sure a lot of guys would like to kiss you," said Jaime, trying to keep his mind on the right track and not thinking too much about the meaning of his sentence, "I’m just sorry that this time it was Red psychopath Connington and not _ Renly _ but who knows in the future-”

“For the gods Jaime, not you too! I’m not _ into _Renly, we’re friends!” she interrupted him, with the third big revelation of the night. 

_ " _You...you're not?" he asked, surprised.

"No. I mean, I don’t know. He’s nice and fun and I could like him, I guess but...it’s not the one I’ve written about in that stupid diary," she answered.   
Jaime thought she was _at least _a little bit into him but he wouldn’t be the one to point it out. 

“But- but you said they read your diary and your thoughts about the boy you liked and if it’s not Renly then-” Jaime stopped himself, an horrible doubt entering his mind, “...it’s not _ Rhaegar_, right?”   
He couldn’t even _ bear _ the thought. 

“No, Jaime it’s not Rhaegar! You're so obsessed that sometimes I think _you_'re the one who's secretly in love with him," he made a face at this, "and stop with your fantasies about my crush, it’s none of your business. I mean, it was a childish crush and I’m actually starting to forget him so...” she finished, crossing her arms and getting back to watching the stars. 

He looked at her, feeling betrayed. He wouldn't even aknowledge her completely wrong guess about Rhaegar. He could never like that pretty, shallow, little Prince.  
But how could she say that this was not his business? How could she keep him in the dark about it? 

“You really don’t want to tell me?” he asked, just to make sure. She shook her head, confirming her decision. 

“Is it because I’ve been...distant in the last months?”  
She appeared surprised at this and she waited a minute before answering.

“No. It’s not because of that. And I mean, I get it. Between your internship and Mel..it’s okay. And it was my fault too if we didn’t see each other more this summer. I should have probably come to talk to you sooner but I was ashamed,” she admitted.

“You shouldn’t have been. You should never be ashamed with me. I’m your friend Brienne and you are mine,” he reassured her, "But can you at least tell me if I know him?"

"No" she answered.

"No I don't know him or no you won't tell me if I do?" he asked again, too curious.

"No you don't know him, okay? He's...he doesn't go to our school," she explained, still red in the face.

He wanted to ask more but her pleading eyes made him stop.

“Fine. I guess you can keep one tiny secret for tonight. So, I won’t pressure to know who the lucky guy is."  
She looked at him, as if wanting to say something but not knowing how. 

“Jaime I..” she started, turning her body completely towards him “...thank you."

“For what? Not using my charm to make you confess?” he asked, mimicking her movements.

“No,” she laughed, lightly punching his shoulder, “for everything you’ve done for me today. For being there when I needed you. For listening. For being my friend."

“It’s really not hard work being your friend, K. I’d even say it’s a pleasure. At least, most of the time,” he joked.

“Well, now that you know how bad was my first kiss, I’m sure our friendship will be even more fun for you,” she said, “at least now I can’t make fun of you for _ yours _ anymore."

Well, she was right.   
His kiss with Lysa Tully had been a terrible mistake and, since it had happened in front of almost everyone, Brienne had spent a lot of time reminding him of it.  
And he would certainly remember it as the most uncomfortable, wet, noisy kiss of his life but, at least, he had been a willing participant.

Brienne’s first kiss, on the contrary, hadn’t been consensual, and he could see from her expression that it was still upsetting her.  
It was something she would never forget but, maybe, he could make it a little better.

“You know what?” he said, putting his plan into action “I don’t think this thing with Connington can technically count as a _ real kiss."_

“What do you mean?” she asked, intrigued.

“Well, technically it takes two people to make a smooch. And it seems to me that he was the only _ one _ willing to make one. _ Ergo _, you haven’t had your first kiss yet,” he finished, proud of his reasoning.

“E_rgo_? You’re starting to sound like a real writer, Jaime. And you’re right, I guess,” she said, agreeing with him.

“Wow. I can hear the enthusiasm pouring from your words Brienne. I just saved you from the worst first kiss ever, I thought you’d be happier about it,” he commented.

“Well, it’s not as if it hasn’t happened, is it? Maybe it won’t count as a _ real _ kiss but it'll probably be the only kiss I’ll get to remember for a very long time,” she explained, sadly.

"Who knows. Maybe you'll get a chance with the guy you like, K," he suggested.   
Actually, knowing that some guy had conquered Brienne’s heart made him feel weird but he would try to be supportive and help her as much as he could.

"I don't think so, Jaime. I told you, it’s already in the past. It’s been an impossible crush and since it’s never going to happen I’ve-I’ve decided to _ move o_n," she answered, with a faraway look on her face.

"Why _ not_? Still with that bullshit about not being-"

"No," she interrupted him, “I mean, I still think he's a_ ten _ and I'm a _ three _ but...he's got a girlfriend." 

"Who cares?” he said, confidently, “they could break up soon. They could break up_ tomorrow _, for all you know. We're young, nothing lasts at our age."

"Well, _ they _ do. They _ really _ do. They have their up and downs but they always come back to one another. It's like they just need time to recharge the batteries and then they're back on," she answered, with a tone that sounded almost more impressed than sad.

"It reminds me of someone," he commented, thinking about himself and Mel. They were an [ on-again, off-again couple ](https://context.reverso.net/traduzione/inglese-italiano/on-again%2C+off-again+couple) too but their story was much less poetic than the one Brienne was talking about.

"I'm pretty sure they'll marry one day if they go on like this," she added, ignoring his remark and changing drastically his view on the situation.

"Okay no. They're _ nothing _like me and Mel."

"Why not? Don't you ever think about it?" she asked, finally focusing back on his face.

"I...don't know. I_ love her_, I know I do. Or, at least, it’s the nearest thing to what I think love is that I’ve ever _ felt _for someone, you know?” he told her, “but I've never really thought about a future with her. It seems so far".

He didn’t even know if what they had was _ real love _, how could he know what they’d become in the future?

"Well, I guess we'll find out, won't we?" she asked. Well, at least Brienne seemed positive. 

For a moment he tried to envision his future: Christmas dinners with Mel as his wife and Tyrion and Brienne with their respective partners. Their two children running all over the place, both with his golden hair and her blue eyes and...no wait. Her _ brown _ eyes. Mel had _ brown eyes _ .  
Okay _ , better stop thinking about that. _

"I guess,” he answered. He needed to change the topic, this was giving him a headache. “However, we're not talking about me. We're talking about you. So, maybe you'll be lucky and they'll break up."

"I don't _ want _ them to break up. I mean, he's happy with her. More or less. And I’ve already told you, I’m over him," she said with conviction.

"Brienne fuck, you're too good. Keep up with me a second. _ All is fair in love and war _ and when you get your chance-"

"_If _ I get a chance, which I won't, I will do nothing at all because _ one _ I don’t want to and _ two _ I'm completely inexperienced and I'd make a fool of myself. No, thank you," she interrupted him, again. 

"What do you mean? You're _ fifteen _ what experience do you want to have?"

He had had his first kiss at fourteen and he hadn’t done anything else until a few months before so Brienne had still all the time to... _ experience. _Though, just thinking about it made him nervous.

"I don't know Jaime. Maybe at least knowing what a_ real kiss _is like. Like you said, the only one I received can’t be considered as one - and really, _thank the gods_ _for that _or I could really consider the possibility of not wanting to kiss anyone ever again but - _still, _my problem remains," she explained, stubborn as ever.

"Well, it’s a problem only because you always need to feel in control of everything, but if you just-_ " _

“Yes. I need control and I need to be ready. Now I don’t want to talk about it anymore, just forget that I said anything. It’s just impossible for me and that’s all,” she reasoned.

And, really, he would have listened to her. He would have let it go and changed the topic in no time if his traitorous mouth hadn’t decided to speak up without his consent.

"Well, it doesn't have to be," said his traitorous mouth.

"Yes, it is. Trust me on this,” she answered, tiredly.

"No, not that. I mean, if it's so important to you you could_ learn,_" went on his mouth, completely free from his control. He knew it was getting him into trouble but he couldn’t find the strength to stop it.

"Learn?"

"Yes."

"And how? Is there a_ school of kissing?_ Or do I simply find a guy who wants to teach me?” she asked, exasperated by his insistence, “because the line of guys who want to kiss me is so long, right?"

“Well, I don’t know-”  
  
“Wait a minute," she interrupted him suddenly, eyes bright with a new idea “I _ could _ask Renly. I actually think he might at least like me enough as a person to help me and-”

“No!” _ Not _ Renly. If Jaime was sure about anything, he was sure about this.   
It would _ not _ be Renly.

“Why not? I know he would never like me in _ that way _ but he could-”

"_I _could," blurted Jaime, interrupting her. And shocking himself with the vehemence in his voice.  
_ What the hell was he doing? _

"_What?"_ she asked, wide-eyed.

"_I _ can help you," he repeated, more clearly.   
His mouth had taken _ full control _ over him and he found himself unable to stop it. 

"No, you can't," she protested. He had freaked her out with his proposal.   
But why was she so unwilling? Was he a so little attractive prospect for her? She really preferred asking _Renly_ than her oldest friend?  
Now it was becoming _personal._

"Yes I can,” he started, invigorated by jealousy, “I'm a guy, I think it’s fair to say that I know _ enough _ about kissing and I'm your _ best friend_. I don't see why _ I _ couldn't be the one to help you".

“Because you’re_ you_!” answered Brienne, still freaking out.

“What does it mean? Do you trust _ him _ more than me?” he asked again, more and more put out by her behaviour.

“No but…” she was struggling, he could see it. "But...You're with Mel? You'd be cheating on her."

"No. Technically I'm not. We're still on a break," he argued, smugly. He knew he was right.

"Fuck," she said after a few seconds of silence, “you're serious."

"And I hardly think that teaching my best friend how to kiss could be considered as_ cheating._ I mean, you're you," he added without thinking, too excited at the prospect of winning this argument "y_ou don't count._"

"Right." Her face became unreadable in a second.   
Only then Jaime registered what he had said but the damage had already been done.

"No Brienne, come on,” he tried to recover, “you know what I mean. We're _ us_. One of us wants to learn to do something and the other teaches. Like when you taught me how to read better or when I taught you how to play _ Happy Birthday _on the guitar. That's what we do. It doesn't have to mean anything. And-"

"Fine." 

"- that would help you forget Connington and his-_ wait, what?_" _ What had she just said? _

"I said _ fine,_ Jaime. Since you're so sure you can teach me, let's do it," she repeated, with a distrusting look in her eyes. She didn’t believe he would do it.

"Oh." Fuck. _ He hadn’t expected her to actually say yes. _

"So? Can we get on with it? Or are you already changing your mind?" she asked, challenging him.

She had turned herself once again towards him, one hand under her head and the other in the space between their bodies. Even though she was trying to mask it with defiance, he could read in her eyes the fear of being rejected. She was afraid that he would mock her like the others but he was _ nothing _ like the others. Nothing.

"Shut up, K. Just give me a moment to think. We have to do it right," he explained, mimicking her position and watching her hair move with the wind. When his gaze met hers, a shiver ran up his spine.  
  
Unbidden, his thoughts went back to the night they had met, when, for a moment, he had been sure that she was some mythical creature come to torment him forever.  
Years had passed but seeing her like that, pale and almost intangible under the gentle moonlight, he found that he still felt the same.

"Do it _ right_? But you said it yourself. It doesn't have to mean anything. It's just a lesson, isn't it?"   
She was challenging him with her stubbornness.  
A challenge for what, he didn’t know.

"Yeah but…" he knew he was stalling but his hand couldn’t stop shaking and somewhere inside his mind he felt that this would be something he would never forget. 

"But what?"   
Her face was somehow getting closer and her voice softer and Jaime was more and more confused by his own reaction to her. _What had he gotten himself into?_

"I- I mean, It's still your first kiss. The one you'll remember all your life,” he tried to explain, “I want to make it good. You know, when you'll tell your grandchildren about this moment I want to be remembered as the best kisser of you-"

"Oh, _shut up Jaime._"  
And she kissed him. 

Or, well, she tried.

At first, he didn’t know how to react. Brienne’s lips were frozen on his, tight and unyielding and for a moment he feared that _ this _ would be an even more awkward first kiss for her than the one with stupid Connington. Jaime Lannister would go on in her memory as the worst kiss of her life. 

This last thought made Jaime spring into action.

He moved his left hand to catch her cheek in a gentle grip. Some of her hair ended up between his fingers but they were soft and wild and they felt good and he didn’t particularly care.  
Slowly, he started moving his lips against hers, encouraging her to do the same. She started responding to his silent request, trying to copy his movements, but she was still too tense. Her jaw was locked and the muscles of her shoulders felt too tight under his hand.

No. _ This wouldn’t do _ .  
  
He ended the kiss, just to tell her to relax, but she hadn’t even open her eyes and she was already retreating, defeated. The confident Brienne that had kissed him had already disappeared.

“See? I’m bad at this. I_ told you _ I would be bad at this. I’m sorry, Jaime but I don’t think I’m made for kissing,”

“Everyone is _ made _ for kissing, K. Stop saying shit like that. You just need to relax, okay? Stop overthinking everything and go with it," he said, putting his hand on her hips to keep her next to him. He didn’t know why, but he knew they had to do this. Together.

“I don’t think I can, Jaime. How do I stop_ thinking_?”

“Just...just imagine you’re with _ the guy, _okay? Don’t think about what you’re doing, the technique or- or anything else. Right now you’re not with _ your friend Jaime _and you’re not learning to do anything. You’re with the guy you like and that you want to kiss. If you can do that, I assure you everything will be different,” he assured her, hoping to be right. “Can you do that?” he asked, looking Brienne in the eyes.

“I...I don’t know,” she answered, honestly.

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I told you, it’s not-”

“No. I want to," she said, closing her eyes. “I trust you, Jaime. Do it."  
And so, he did.

He approached her slowly, keeping his eyes on her to catch any sign of distress, until their noses were touching and their breaths combining in one. Then, after one last “_Relax,_” murmured against her lips - to reassure more himself than her - he had finally closed the distance.  
  
Years later, Jaime still couldn’t describe what had happened next.

He kept his eyes open at first, knowing that this moment was about her and not about himself. He needed to stay present, to focus on the task and make it good for his friend.  
And he thought he was actually doing a pretty decent job but then, somehow, Brienne moved her mouth in the _ exactly _ right way and her hand went to pull the hair at the back of his head - a thing that never failed to drive him crazy - and all his good intentions...went to Hell.

Suddenly, there were no Mel, no Connington, no secret crush, no kissing lessons.  
There was only _ her, _with her clean scent that pervaded his senses and the warmth that enclosed him a little bit more with every passing moment.

Without thinking, he gripped her waist with enough strength to bring her closer and - taking advantage of her surprise - he pulled her to his chest, until he was laying on the ground and she was laying on _ him _.

She made a sound of protest - probably thinking she was too heavy - but he didn’t even acknowledge it, taken as he was by her mouth and her hands that still hadn’t stopped running through his hair. His arms answered her silent question for him, encircling her waist as if afraid of letting go.  
_No _they were saying,_ don’t move,_ _you’re exactly where you need to be._

Finally -_ finally_ \- her mouth opened enough to let his tongue meet hers and Jaime really couldn’t believe that this was the same person who had never kissed anyone until a few minutes before. The same person who was kissing him in a so innocent and yet intoxicating way.  
  
The same person who was his best friend.  
_Fuck. Jaime was making out with his best friend._  
  
His best friend who had just gone through a horrible day - _a horrible summer, really_ \- and had just asked him to teach her how to kiss, not to take advantage of the situation o create some uncomfortable feeling that they would have to deal with later on.  
The best friend who was into someone else and whom he was thinking about in a very wrong way.

These thoughts were enough to shut down any weird hallucination that Jaime was having and bring him back to reality.

He opened his eyes, still in the middle of the kiss and Brienne, sensing the change in his demeanor, did the same. They looked at each other - blue into green - and as soon as her gaze focused on him, she registered what had happened and the position they were in. 

The weird spell they were under had been broken.

She stumbled away in a flash, dislodging her lips from his without finesse and putting some distance between them, as if it was necessary for her survival.  
Jaime didn’t think he had ever seen her more flushed than this.

“Well, I guess we can say you’re not so _ bad at this,_” said Jaime, repeating her words from before and pretending to be unaffected.  
He hoped she wouldn’t notice his heavy breathing and dilated pupils, because explaining to his best friend why he was so excited after their simple kissing lesson would be a very _ awkward affair_.

Wide-eyed and silent, she didn’t seem to be able to tear her gaze away from his and Jaime started to worry that she could somehow read his mind and discover what he had been feeling.  
Jaime couldn’t handle the tension anymore, he just wanted to go home, take a shower and forget any weird feeling he had about _everything _that had happened in the last fifteen minutes.  
  
“Fuck K, am I so good at making out that I’ve finally left you speechless?”  
  
This last jest finally had the desired effect and Brienne busted out laughing.  
The loud sound of her snickering melt away his remaining tension and soon he joined her with his own laugh.  
In a minute they were both back on the ground, giggling as maniacs about the entire situation without any real reason behind it but to drive the awkwardness away.

After a few minutes of this, when the laugher had subsided and the night was back around them with its stillness, Brienne looked at him with bright eyes.

“This has been a very eventful day, hasn’t it?”  
  
“Yes,” he answered, still catching his breath, “a very _ fucking _ eventful, indeed."  
They had ended their summer with a bang, nothing to add.  
  
“Jaime?” she called him, then.  
  
“Yes?” He turned his gaze on her and waited for her to speak again.

She always surprised him, with her fierceness and vulnerability. She was innocence and stubbornness and strength all mixed up together and in that moment he swore he wouldn’t neglect her _ ever again _, no matter what. She was his best friend and even if Mel-

“_Mel_!” he exclaimed, sitting up.

“Mel?” asked Brienne, with a weird note in her voice. He had probably scared her with his sudden movement.

“Yes! I promised her I would call tonight to talk about our situation and I completely forgot!” he complained. 

He felt Brienne’s eyes on him while he despaired. She was thinking about something.  
Then, she scrambled on her feet and offered her hand to him.

“Come on Jaime, it’s not too late,” she said, “If we run fast enough you can still get back on time."

He took her hand to get up and then she was guiding him through the trees with the confidence of someone who knew every single corner of those woods.  
Almost like a deja vu, Jaime was trailing behind her to get out from a messy situation.  
_ He wondered if he’d ever stop. _

They were silent for a long while, passing through narrow paths and shortcuts that only she could find.  
Not even half an hour later, they could already see Casterly’s form in the distance.  
_He would be on time._  
  
“K, did you want to say something before?” he asked.

“No,” she answered, still watching forward “nothing important I think. I don’t even remember what it was."

  
Something in her tone told him that there was _ more _ and he was going to insist about it but suddenly they were in front of his house and Brienne was looking at him with a smile on her face.  
A new, different smile that she would wear for a long time.  
A smile that he would get to decipher only a few years later.  
  
“See? I told you you’d be on time," she said, letting go of his hand. Had they been holding hands the whole time? He blamed it on the strange atmosphere of the night. 

“So, see you tomorrow at school?” 

“What?” he asked, lost in his thoughts.  
  
“I know you’re not too fond of it, but tomorrow we’re getting back to school," still Brienne, still with that weird new smile on her face.  
  
“Yeah but-”  
  
“Oh come on, after making me run all this way, at least _ try _ to get your happy ending.”  
  
“I will," he agreed “but first, are you okay?” He needed to know the truth or he wouldn’t be able to let her go.  
He would never say it out loud but he knew that if she still needed him, he would stay with her and deal with Mel’s wrath another time.

“No,” she admitted with a shrug, “but I will be, I think."

Some of her hair had fallen out of her ponytail - _ his fault, probably _ \- and was now covering her eyes.  
But he needed to _ see _ them, if he wanted to be sure that she was being honest, so it felt natural to brush those hair from her face and keep his hand on her cheek.  
  
“Promise?”  
  
“Promise”  
  
Their eyes locked and _ yes, she was telling the truth _ .  
  
“Jaime!” exclaimed a voice from the house, catching them off guard, “_thank fuck _ you’re here. Melara’s been calling for the last hour and I’m running out of excuses."

It was Tyrion, with a panicked expression on his face.

“I’m coming little brother,” answered Jaime, letting go of Brienne and sending him a smirk, “I didn’t think the smartest Lannister could be cornered by a persistent girl."  
His brother didn’t even dignify him with an answer, he just gave him the finger before greeting Brienne with a hug.

“Sorry Brie but I’ll have to steal this one from you now. I’m afraid his girl’s one minute away from calling an ambulance _ or _ breaking up with him forever.”  
  
“_What?_” he asked, horrified by the Tyrion’s sly grin.

“Well, you’ve been on the toilet for an _ entire hour _ now, shitting and throwing up at the same time and-” Jaime didn’t even let him finish the sentence and sprinted towards his brother, ready to _ destroy him. _

“What the fuck Tyrion!”

They messed around for a while, beating up each other with love and affection - _ as brothers do _ \- and only when they were entering the house, he turned back towards Brienne.  
She was laughing freely at the show they had put on in front of her and it was still one of the best, _ weirdest _sounds he had ever heard.

“See you tomorrow, K?” 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow”  
  
He watched herentering the guesthouse and then went back to his brother.  
_ He was going to kill him. _

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Needless to say, Jaime and Mel got back together. And broke up. And got back together. And broke up again. Until, one day, he finally understood why their relationship could never have a future. She had already suspected the reason for a while but.._ .that’s another story _ .  
  
In the meantime, Brienne went back to playing beach volley and most of the other sports she loved.  
She never stopped ever again.  
Month after month, she rebuilt the confidence she had lost and her strong body with it. She would never be the same fearless brave girl she had once been - the bubble had been broken - but, with time, she learnt to fight her fears and walk with her head held high. A little bit of Lannister pride had never hurt anyone.  
  
Due to her proverbial bad luck, she would have to wait another three years before kissing someone again. She not-so-painfully broke up with her second kiss and nearly married her third.  
Problem was, sometimes you _ really _can’t forget your first.

Sandor Clegane was very excited when Jaime came up to him with the proposal of a little side project for their last first week of school. Both would remember their successful partnership with fondness and pride.

Connington and the rest of the track team never won a competition in their entire scholastic career and, since nobody cared, nobody felt bad for them.  
Ellaria Sand was smart enough to change school and become one of the best assets in her new, _ winning _ , team.  
  
As for Jaime and Brienne, their life went on pretty much like before. They never really talked about their kiss because, even though their friendship was almost perfect, they always maintained the bad habit of not talking about feelings when those feelings involved _ each other _.

  
This, until he decided to defy his father’s expectations and follow his literary dreams and she went to University on the other side of the world.  
  
_T__hat_ ’s when the difficult part begun.  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I know how I want this to end...  
are you still interested in reading it?


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